Value the worth of your relationships

There are many misconceptions that many of us live by. One of them is that we are all very rational people. Another is that we can live independently of each other. The latter idea is especially gaining ground in these days of consumerist gizmos and inventions such as the iPhone and the Internet which have effectively estranged us from the physical presence of our friends, family and indeed, society.

I have touched upon our growing social estrangement some time ago, but today I wish to comment on such alienation and the findings of top flight behavioural study experts that relationships are the most important things in our lives. And that includes money too. Some have even quantified the value of happy relationships; according to one study, a happy husband-wife relationship is worth US $100,000, which works out to Rs 45 lakh!

And what are we doing about it? Are we aware of the state of our relationships with our spouses, our siblings, our sons and daughters? Do we value the worth of our relationships? I do not think so. We, by and large, and it is natural as we are human, do not really worry overtly about nurturing relationships, until they go awry. And then, most often, we blame the other party for having transgressed limits and straining that bond. We do not sustain what we have, yet, if you talk to anyone around, you will realise that strained relationships are the most common source of worry.

Last week, I was speaking to one of India’s foremost management and life-skills counsellors who is perhaps the only professor to lecture at two national institutes of different disciplines. He was conducting a workshop for senior bankers on some aspect of management. And he said that within 15 minutes, all that the bankers were keen on discussing with him was a single topic: Relationships. 

Not leadership nor motivating their workforce, but on how to nurture and mend relationships.The point to note is that much as we are unaware, or perhaps do not care, it is relationships that we live for. We work, earn and struggle to give our families a better deal. Yet what is it all worth, if our families do not feel emotionally close to us?

I have seen patriarchal fathers who are stern from the outside, but who break down when they realise their children do not love them. I have seen matriarchs who hate their daughters for perhaps marrying someone of their choice. Yet the elder, in her innermost thoughts, cries when she recalls the bonds they shared during the daughter’s growing up years.

To all of us, I would like to take an example from the Reiki masters who carefully evaluate each of their relationships every day, while expressing gratitude that the relationship is still alive. The principles of Reiki are: Just for Today, Don’t get Angry, Don’t Worry, Be Grateful, Work Hard and Be Kind to Others. I think that is the kernel of The Change Within...

Spilt Milk

I recently heard a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others?

He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor - a veritable sea of milk!

When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, "Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?"

Indeed, he did. After a few minutes, his mother said, "You know, Robert, whenever you make a mess like this, eventually you have to clean it up and restore everything to its proper order. So, how would you like to do that? We could use a sponge, a towel, or a mop. Which do you prefer?" He chose the sponge and together they cleaned up the spilled milk.

His mother then said, "You know, what we have here is a failed experiment in how to effectively carry a big milk bottle with two tiny hands. Let's go out in the back yard and fill the bottle with water and see if you can discover a way to carry it without dropping it." The little boy learned that if he grasped the bottle at the top near the lip with both hands, he could carry it without dropping it. What a wonderful lesson!

This renowned scientist then remarked that it was at that moment that he knew he didn't need to be afraid to make mistakes.

Instead, he learned that mistakes were just opportunities for learning something new, which is, after all, what scientific experiments are all about. Even if the experiment doesn't work,� we usually learn something valuable from it.

Wouldn't it be great if all parents would respond the way Robert's mother responded to him?

Every memorable act in the history of the world is a triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great was ever achieved without it because it gives any challenge or any occupation, no matter how frightening or difficult, a new meaning. Without enthusiasm you are doomed to a life of mediocrity but with it you can accomplish miracles.